“I Grow Up To Be A Streiht Up Menace, G’yeah…”

10/26/2009

Anthony Age 22

I know exactly what you’re thinkin’ right now.

“Who’s this, Drake‘s little brother? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of whoever this is.”

Oh… you’ve heard of him. Don’t think so?

anthony menace

How ’bout now?

That’s right, good people: if you’ve ever wondered what the lil’ kid who played as Anthony in Menace II Society is up to these days, here you have it. His name was Julian Roy Doster, but now, his name is Menace (clever, eh?) and guess what… he’s an aspiring rapper. Sigh.

Unfortunately, he only has one song on his MySpace page. On top of that, it sounds like a mix of J-Kwon‘s “Tipsy” and the Ying Yang Twins‘ “Whisper Song” (but that’s to be expected- they were movin’ to Atlanta, right?). I think what the young Menace needs is a lil’ artistic direction. He’s halfway there with the name, so he might as well go all the way in and take on the entire character. Excuse me as I do a lil’ armchair A&R for this kid’s album- a concept album, if you will…

Anthony Get In Your Room

“Guess Who’s Back?”: The re-introduction to lil’ Anthony, now 22 years old and takin’ the harsh realities from the street to the studio, with his aggressive content.

“Big Wheels”: It’s been a long time since his brand-new Big Wheel got shot the fukk up right along with Caine and Sharif. Nowadays, Young Menace is pushin’ some serious whippage… why not make a track about it?

“I’ll Whoop Your Ass!”: He ain’t a kid anymore, so he can say it all he wants now.

“Mama”: The tear-jerker of the album, dedicated to Ronnie‘s fine ass. Anthony shows love to the woman who read books to him, threatened to break his tail if she ever caught him with a gun, and gave him juice instead of beer when he was thirsty. Speaking of which…

“I’m Thirsty, Can I Have Some Beer?”: The ULTIMATE bottle-poppin’ anthem for 2010. Everybody’s talkin’ about how they got the Patron and the Jose and all that bullshit… but Anthony can change the game all over again by bringing back the 40 oz.

“Pow, Punk Ass!” (feat. MC Eiht): Here, Anthony could brag about the time Caine showed him how to shoot when he was 5. Now all grown up, he’s in these streets big wheelin’ and cap-peelin’. Eiht (a.k.a. A-Wax) intros the track with the eternally classic ad-lib, “wake yo’ punk ass up!”

“Fatherless Child”: Tear-jerker #2, as Anthony reminisces on growing up without someone to show him the way. First, Pernell got life, then Caine got death. Could be the “Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone” for the new generation.

“Ileana’s Cousin”: The album comes to a climactic end, as Menace exacts revenge on the man who killed his father figure. What’s up now, pot’na?!

Look, It AIn't Loaded!

BOOM. Add in a couple filler songs, use one of those pictures from the movie as the album cover on some Illmatic-type shit, and there it is. Now I’m off to find Ross Bagley a.k.a. Little Nicky from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. Have I got an idea for him: a Will Smith dis track called “I HATE YOU WILL!”.

-D! (shoutout to the homiechick Jia)

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He Was Murder, P. Diddy Made Him Pretty…

10/19/2009

mase & puff mo money

Everything was all good just a week 12 years ago.

So… I’m here on a Sunday night, ready to call it an evening, right? Then, I come across a video of epic proportions. During an interview with Diddy and the Dirty Money girls on Atlanta‘s V103, the one and only Mase pops up and hits Sean with some papers to sign. After the papers are signed, Pastor Mason rejoices that he has finally been released from his Bad Boy Records contract.

puff n mase

Now let’s be clear here: I don’t think Puff did that out of no “goodness of his heart” shit. That paper got signed because Mase had a live mic and Puff wasn’t tryna get put on blast while on the air. After all, he’s already been caught out there on some bullshit once this month. This was probably the culmination of Mase making repeated phone calls, having meetings, walking up to Puff at parties and being told “my office hours… are from 9… to 5″ and all types of shit. Finally, he had to go and put homie on the spot. Now that’s what the fukk I call a Proactive Solution.

mase n puff

See, as much as I respect Poppa Diddy Pop and all that the Bad Boy brand was, I wouldn’t doubt that he’s blackballed or contractually handcuffed a few niggas in his lifetime. Being “LOCKED IN!” is all well and good when you’re just followin’ him on Twitter, but when it comes to your livelihood, it might be a different story. Ah well, both parties’ll be OK after this. Puff’ll continue doing whatever he’s doing, and Mase will continue to make records no one cares about, no harm done. But since we’re on the subject… let’s go back.

mase 24 hrs

Once upon a time, there was a rapper named Mase Murder who rolled with Big L and Children of the Corn (which also consisted of Cam’ron Killa Cam and Cam’s cousin Bloodshed). After realizing that yelling on the mic only works when your voice doesn’t sound like Benjamin Buford Bubba Blue, Mase decides to calm his shit down. After making this creative decision, he finds himself signed to Bad Boy in early-’96. I might be in the minority, or maybe I’m not… but I actually liked him a lot more in his prime Bad Boy years. Some people are much better at the street shit than the “commercial” side, but it goes the other way too, and M-A-dollar sign-E is one of those cases.

mase feels so good

So as the story goes, Mase pops up on 112‘s remix for “Only You” and takes off from there. While Jadakiss is busy crying about having to write Puff’s lyrics, Mase gladly does so, and is rewarded as a result. Before you know it, he’s not only on remixes left and right, but also on huge hits like Puff’s “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down” and Biggie‘s “Mo Money, Mo Problems”. Then comes his own album, Harlem World, which goes on to sell units out the ass. Then… no sooner does he assemble a group named Harlem World (uhhh, Baby Stase!) and start work on his second album Double Up, Mase decides to “retire” and find God in ’99.

pastor mason

Not for nothin’, Betha had a good damn run for those two years or so. I know the backpack niggas wanted to break his jaw, but he was doin’ his thing. He had the radio shit down pat, he had the star quality, and he still found time to drop some hot verses in the middle of that. I might even go as far as to say that he’s somewhat underrated, due to the perception that he was just some goofy-doofy nigga in a shiny suit. I mean, sure he was- but in that package, he still had some memorable lines. Even on the most candy-ass songs (except for that awful Rugrats shit), there was a chance that some of his slickest shit slipped by those too busy bein’ mad to notice.

m a dollar sign e

All the fuckery that followed his exodus is a story all its own. From calling hip-hop “the devil”, to the weakest comeback album ever in ’04, to the strange G-Unit affiliation in ’05, to being caught out there with the tranny… all a bunch of madness. And now, after leaving the game again back in ’06, he’s decided to come back again for ’09. Only this time, he’ll be doing it without Diddy or Fiddy. I’m sure the world anticipates his project as much as they do the Dirty Money album.

In the meantime, I’ll just remember the old days, cause that’s just what I do. *waves wrist in the sky with no Rolie*

112 feat. Notorious B.I.G. & Ma$e “Only You (Remix)” (1996)

Puff Daddy & Ma$e “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down” (1997)

Funkmaster Flex Freestyle feat. Ma$e & Puff Daddy (1997)

Ma$e “Feel So Good” (1997)

Ma$e “Lookin’ At Me” (1997)

The Lox feat. Ma$e & Puff Daddy “If U Want It” (1997)

Puff Daddy feat. Ma$e & Carl Thomas “Been Around The World (Remix)” (1998)

Ma$e feat. Puff Daddy “I’m No Killa” (1998)

Harlem World feat. Ma$e “I Really Like It” (1999)

-D!

EDIT (10/21): Because I’m not big on gossip-mongering, new info states that it wasn’t exactly what it was made out to be. It turns out that Puff actually signed a form that enables Mase to appear on other peoples’ records, but he remains a Bad Boy artist. That is the extent of the “freedom papers”, as they were called by Mason. Eh.

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True Confessions

09/29/2009

hip hop confessions

Shoutout to Skillz for creating one of the most entertaining things I’ve seen lately, Hip-Hop Confessions. It began as a website which has since made its way to MTVJams as a half-hour special. On this show, everyone from fans to artists are able to shoot the shit about their likes/dislikes/unpopular opinions/etc. regarding hip-hop (the wildest being Joe Budden‘s admission to never having owned a KRS-One album). Everybody has a few, and since I’m no rookie at lettin’ out some of my own crazy-ass admissions, here’s a few more to wrap your head around:

94jay 1. Jay-Z’s Speed-Raps? Nnnnah: For all the great things he’s done, I think the best decision Mr. Carter’s ever made was getting off that “jiggedy-jiggedy-Jay”-type shit. If that didn’t happen, there’s a lot that would be missing from these last 14 years of music and pop culture- including him. Outside of one or two songs, I can really do without the whole early-mid ’90s speed-rappin’ Jigga. Incidentally, I do like “Nigga What, Nigga Who” from the Hard Knock Life album- he’s practically doin’ the same thing, but the execution is MUCH better than that money-machine-sound-effect shit he was on before.

Jay-Z “I Can’t Get Wit Dat” (1995)

ugk

2. I’ve Never Heard A UGK Album: I understand why they’re highly regarded. I understand Pimp C‘s acclaim as a producer, and that Bun B is one of the most respected lyricists from the South. Still, I’d be lyin’ if I said they were ever on my radar like that. Though I’ve known of UGK since “Pocket Full Of Stones” from the Menace II Society soundtrack, there was always a gang of other stuff I was more interested in hearing whenever they had an album out. Maybe I should make it a point to check out one of those albums someday. In the meantime though, as it stands on September 29, 2009… I’ve not heard one in its entirety.

UGK “One Day” (1996)

common sense 1

3. Common Sense > Common: It’s almost a cliche to like the introspective, mature, kinder, gentler, hemp sweater-wearing Common who loves all the children and deaf chicks. Me myself personally? Eh. I’m much more a fan of the brash, comical Common Sense who made songs about cockblockers and such. I even rock with the Common Sense that teetered between the comical and the introspective on Resurrection. But it all pretty much ended for me when he got into cuttin’ up pieces of mango and shit. I’m not sayin’ artists can’t evolve as musicians and human beings. I’m just sayin’ Erykah Badu might be some kinda witch who turns rappers into hippies.

Common Sense “Soul By The Pound (Remix)” (1993)

hip hop hooray

4. If I Never Hear “Hip-Hop Hooray” In My Life Again, I’m Good: There’s a lot of songs I’ve heard over and over that I still don’t get tired of. I may not listen to ‘em every day, but I don’t mind hearin’ them whenever they might happen to pop up on the iPod. There’s this one song though… this one song that I could live to be 100 and die the next day without hearin’ anymore: fukkin’ “Hip-Hop Hooray” by Naughty By Nature. It’s not that I think it’s a bad song, even tho’ the hook is kinda hokey- it’s just that I’ve heard the shit so much. I’ve literally been sick of it since like ’93, and I don’t see that changing.

Naughty By Nature “Hip-Hop Hooray” (1993)

hammerpumps

5. I Actually Like “Pumps & A Bump”: Um, yeah. That “Pumps & A Bump”. The Hammer song from when he tried to come back on some tough shit. The song that’s supposed to be about scantily-clad women, but is mostly remembered for him dancin’ around the pool with his dick aaallll in the videooo. I don’t care for any of that business, but I like that beat, and that part at the end when Aaron Hall starts goin’ in. Of course this song is awful, and I know this- but the sheer retardation of it is what makes it entertaining to me. Now bring them pumps and flex that bump.

Hammer “Pumps & A Bump” (1994)

There’s many more where those came from, and I might throw ‘em out there at another time, but I feel I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day. Now, it’s time for y’all to come clean: what are some of your confessions? I won’t tell nobody…

-D!

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It’s Hard Being The Kane

09/03/2009

bigdaddykane

The other day, while upping some of the classic joints by Biz Markie and MC Shan, I thought about how tough the Juice Crew was in their day. In the late-’80s, Cold Chillin’ Records boasted a crew that consisted of such legendary names as Biz, Shan, Kool G Rap, Masta Ace, Roxanne Shante with her lyin’ ass, legendary producer Marley Marl, and my personal favorite… Big Daddy Kane.

longlivethekane

At one time, Kane was THAT fukkin’ guy. He could do all types of songs and all kinds of topics. He had a flawless flow, berserko wordplay, crazy live performances (along with his dancers Scoob & Scrap Lover), and a GANG of swagger just to top it all off. He even had his fair share of soundalikes and knockoff versions, as most frontrunning MCs usually do during their prime. In one of hip-hop’s most competitive eras with talented MC’s poppin’ up all over, Kane was possibly THE best in the game by ’89.

Which made it all the more crazy in the early-’90s when he fell ALL THE WAY the fukk off.

Big Daddy Kane Taste Of Chocolate

See, even though BDK could destroy the shit out of a mic, he also had an R&B-ish side to him. And it was no big deal for a while- he’d been comin’ with at least one R&B-style joint since the first album, so it was part of his repertoire from day one. He did album covers with chicks and champagne bottles and the whole thing. Only problem is, once this became a successful component of his music, he started basing his entire image and sound around it. Even worse, he chose to do this as the ’90s arrived and hip-hop as a whole was heading into a harder direction.

Prince of Darkness

Whereas before, Kane’s skills were undeniable, he started putting out records that made them questionable. Those Johnny Gill lookin’-ass album covers didn’t help matters either. Even the titles of those albums were nutso- Taste of Chocolate? Prince of Darkness? Nigga, what? He still had his lyrical capabilities, but everything else from the beats to the videos were WAY lame. Homie was even gettin’ dissed at his own birthday party by Big Ill (of Ill & Al Skratch fame).

Not that Kane had to give a shit. Sure, he was making weak records, but the girls still loved him (even with an AIDS rumor following him for a second there). He got to work with legendary artists like Patti Labelle, Barry White, and Quincy Jones- which is something to be proud of, even if the actual songs were ass. And uhhh… getting paid to fingerbang Madonna while she kissed Naomi Campbell doesn’t sound like anything to be ashamed of either… I’m just sayin’. Still, his relevance falls waaaay back, as a bunch of new artists come up between ’91 and ’92.

bigdaddylookslikeajobfor

By the time ’93 rolls around, hip-hop is goin’ hard. Even groups like Quest and De La Soul toned down a lil’ bit of that happy-ass shit they were doing a couple years prior. And here comes Kane with his “coming-back-hard” album, Looks Like A Job For. The problem by this point was that he really had nowhere to go. The R&B style wasn’t cuttin’ it, and the idea of him joining in with the hardcore crowd wasn’t doin’ it either. Something about Snoop, Wu-Tang, Onyx, and other newer heads seemed way more interesting than hearing a Big Daddy Kane street record. It wasn’t his time anymore.

bigdaddyshome

Bu-bu-but wait, it gets worse. Then came Daddy’s Home in ’94, led by a single called “In The PJ’s”. It was a song about the projects, but lookin’ at that album cover, it coulda just as well been about pajamas. The prime example of how far outta-the-loop Kane was, is a joint called “Show & Prove” featuring Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Jay-Z, Sauce Money, Shyheim, and Scoob Lover on the track. Cool record, but if not for Scoob’s (turrible) verse, Kane woulda been murdered on his own shit by every single guest.  The same MC who five years earlier was arguably the best was now just lucky to be better than one of his dancers.

While Daddy’s Home was the nail in the coffin for BDK, it dropped right before hip-hop took another direction. In a twist of irony if I’ve ever heard of one, it became cool for rappers to do the same exact shit Kane lost his spot for doing. As much as his smooth playa style got him pushed aside, all of a sudden, every other East Coast rapper started smoothin’ the shit out of their singles. Whereas he caught flack for collabing with R&B artists, it started to be the in-thing. Unfortunately by the time it was poppin’, Kane was like an old pimp who lost all his hoes.

bigdaddyallofme

Meaning no disrespect to the man, Big Daddy Kane is still one of my favorite MCs ever, as he is to a lot of people who love his earlier work. In fact, he’s been able to salvage the damage that his career caught during those years. I could say he fell off ONLY because he was too R&B’d up at the time, and he got dissed for stuff that niggas can do today with no flack whatsoever (which is true). But a lot of the music just wasn’t good, and even he has to know that, because he doesn’t perform any of it today.

In the early ’90s, I don’t know how hard it was being the Kane, but I know it was hard as a muh’fukka to listen to the Kane.

Three ’90s BDK Songs That Ain’t Half-Bad:

“It’s Hard Being The Kane” (1990)

“Nuff Respect” (1992)

“How U Get A Record Deal?” (1993)

…And Three That Definitely Are:

“I’m Not Ashamed” (feat. Alyson Williams) (1991)

“Very Special” (feat. Spinderella) (1993)

“In The PJ’s” (1994)

-D!

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“Mommy, He Won’t Let Me Win!”

07/22/2009

cry_baby

“I hear it all the time — ‘Yo, he should let the young guys, the new generation of guys come in.’ But you don’t become the front-runner in music because someone lets you. You have to claim your shoes”- Jay-Z

I’ve been meaning to speak on this for a minute. As someone who came up during the ’80s and ’90s, I can’t say I understand this recent mentality that some newer rappers seem to have. It seems that some of them harbor a lil’ animosity towards older artists that are still in the game, and feel like they should step away from the game in order to “let” the new dudes get theirs.

Now… I know it’s not the old days anymore, but that is the most half-assed shit I’ve ever heard of.

This is equivalent to bein’ a kid, playin’ a video game with your older relatives, and throwin’ your controller down because they won’t LET you win. Can’t speak for anyone else, but if I were a new artist, that’s not even a win I’d WANT. What kinda bragging rights is that, to only be succeeding in the game because someone else’s absence allowed it? For these new dudes to have so much “swag” and stunt so hard, I’d at least think they’d wanna claim their own damn spot. How much swag can they really have, when they wanna win by default?

webstar

Take for instance, someone like DJ Webstar. If you don’t know who that is, you’re not alone. But anyway, when “Death Of Autotune” dropped, he went into this long weekend of Twitter rage. He tweeted about how a song like that was “takin’ food off his plate”, because he (like many other trend-hopping newbies) utilizes Autotune for his terrible records. Here’s where a so-called artist should question his own talent: you’re sittin’ around HOPIN’ this shit doesn’t play out, because then you’ll have to find another gimmick to ride… and this is somehow ANOTHER person’s fault?

When great artists made their way into the game, it didn’t happen because the people before them just left and let it happen. They did their thing regardless of anyone else’s presence. If you look at a Nas or an Outkast, their relevance didn’t hang on whether or not KRS or De La Soul were still making music. It hung on whether or not their own shit was up to par. They didn’t have to do anything but come to the table with music that was fresher and better than what the old schoolers were dropping. They surely didn’t get it by whining “why won’t they let the new niggas eat?”

cryingbaby

Regardless of how some may feel about today’s top stars, such as Kanye, Wayne, or T.I. (or even new artists like Drake)- I don’t see ANY of them cryin’ either. They found a niche, made music that connected with listeners, and made people interested in them as artists. A lot of these ones complaining are the same ones faithfully making microwave music. They make songs that are hot for a month and never get played again after that month… but they don’t get why their shit can’t get over. Artists with real fanbases are still doin’ fine, whether on a mainstream or underground-ish level. It’s them ol’ fly-by-night muh’fukkas having all the trouble.

I’ve been saying that the rap game needs new blood, and it’s been hanging off of the old guard for too long. We’re heading into a new decade and people who were out in the earlier half of this one are still on top. Imagine if back in ’99, hip-hop had never moved past Public Enemy and Naughty By Nature *shudder*. At the same time, I can’t sit here and say someone like Busta should quit so some random-ass nigga like OJ Da Juiceman can get his shit off. So, the only thing left (as always) is for new artists to come in with new stuff that moves it past where it’s been sitting for the last few years.

I say all that to say this: fukk wantin’ older rappers to step DOWN… how ’bout the new ones step UP?

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Attempted Murder

07/10/2009

xxlmurder

So here’s what happened:

In the spring of ’95, I first heard Jay-Z, DMX, and Ja Rule on the same track. It was the B-side of Mic Geronimo‘s “Masta I.C.” single, on a song called “Time To Build” (produced by Mic’s man DJ Irv). At that time, Mic was an underground artist on TVT Records, and yet more well-known than any of the other parties involved. The song was OK, but nothing I retained much from. Ja and X sounded like the average raspy-voiced rappers from NY during that era, and Jay was ehhh- still not fully out of that hyper shit he was on at the time.

Three years later, I heard them together again. By early-’98, things had changed. Jay wasn’t a household name yet, but he was successful, not to mention one of my favorites. X was the “new” artist everybody was checkin’ for, off the strength of his numerous guest appearances. Ja was a former member of the Cash Money Click (not that one) who was also supposed to be coming out with his debut soon. They were all in together on a Clue tape, doing the opening freestyle that later became known as “Murdergram”.

jarulexjayzdjirv

A year later, it was a whole different story. Jay was officially a superstar with his Vol. 2: Hard Knock Life album. X was on top of the world with his albums, It’s Dark & Hell Is Hot and Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood. Ja’s debut album, Venni Vetti Vecci, was highly-anticipated at this point- mostly due to his appearance on Jay’s “Can I Get A” single. DJ Irv was now Irv Gotti, and he was known as the guy responsible for putting this new movement together. The Hard Knock Life Tour was selling out city-to-city, and hip-hop in general was a HUGE deal.

So then, out comes a new issue of the relatively-new XXL magazine. The cover story is about an upcoming project, slated to hit the stores later that year: Murder Inc., comprised of Jay-Z, DMX, and Ja Rule. Wow- couldn’t have happened at a better time. They were amongst the hottest names in hip-hop, popular on the street level and mainstream-wise, and there was no way the album could fall short of its expectations from a creative or sales standpoint. I read this article, as Gotti raved about how they were about to go SO hard with this album, and how it was gonna be on N.W.A. levels of unabashed nigga-ness and so forth. I was ready to hear it, as I’m sure a lot of people were.

And of course… after the cover story, the tour, the ads… it never happened. I’m just guessing, but the thing that killed the chances of the Murder Inc. project ever coming out was likely the same thing that built the hype for it. X and Jay weren’t the same dudes who were battling each other in a pool hall five years earlier, and Ja wasn’t about to be X’s hypeman like he’d been previously. They all became top-tier stars with their own crews to lead.

murderers

Next thing you knew, “Murder Inc.” was the record label headed by Irv, and the closest we got to a Murder Inc. album was that terrible compilation. Instead of some murderously bloody Jay/X/Ja collabs, we instead got treated to the “talents” of Black Child and Vita. Then, Ja started suggesting that if not for his willingness to fall back and wait his turn, “maybe” X wouldn’t have been signed to Def Jam, and “maybe” Jay wouldn’t have had a hit with “Can I Get A”. Following that, the party was over. X dissed Ja, Ja dissed X, X and Jay shot subliminals back and forth, and Irv only cared but so much because he was busy piping promoting Ashanti and counting his cash.

So here it is 10 years later. Ja Rule scored a fair share of hits from singing his little heart out during the earlier part of this decade, but he’s finished now. DMX has gone from arguably the most popular rapper of ’98 to whatever the fuck this is. Irv is… the guy with the reality show on VH1? Jay-Z is literally controlling the fate of his own career at this point- not to mention the richest artist in hip-hop. It’s kinda a shame that those four egos couldn’t have gotten on the same page long enough to put the album together back in ’99. Instead, all we have is a couple tracks to indicate how it might’ve sounded… which I guess will have to be good enough.

ddd.black.crime.ja.rule.dmx.jay.z.

It was probably the easiest thing in the world to get them all together when neither one knew where their careers were headed. But the bigger they got, they probably felt like they didn’t need to work together, so it could either happen or not- emphasis being on “not”. When it boils down, the Murder Inc. project was meant to happen in 1999, and 1999 only. It would’ve been less relevant any year before then, and not as urgent any year afterward. It’s one of hip-hop’s biggest never-happened moments that coulda shut the game down 10 years ago, but would mean jackshit if it happened tomorrow.

Mic Geronimo featuring Ja Rule, Jay-Z, & DMX “Time To Build” (1995)

Jay-Z, Ja Rule, & DMX “Murdergram” (1998)

Ja Rule featuring DMX & Jay-Z “It’s Murda” (1999)

-D!

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Nah, I’m Sayin’… You Know You Done F**ked Up, Dont’cha?

06/29/2009

debraleevil

Alright, so… let’s say your name is Debra Lee, and you are the president and CEO of BET. The icon of icons has died three days prior to your channel’s award show. This artist is one whose music was not only once EXTRA-prevalent on your station, but has also influenced half of the people whose videos CURRENTLY air on your station. Although you only have three days to change things around, and no one expects you to perform miracles, you still have a chance to provide a fitting tribute (especially with more people probably tuning in than ever and all kinds of media outlets covering your event). Do you:

A) Deliver on your words, which were “this show is all about Michael“?

B) Include a tribute segment here, but opt to do a better-planned full-on tribute show at another time?

C) Put on an already half-assed show as planned, and add to its half-assedness by half-assing the tribute at that?

Two of those options would’ve been all good. But ultimately, Option C seems like the one they chose to run with. Good God Damn.

Don’t get me wrong, New Edition started things off right with the Jackson 5 medley. Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo closed out on a high note with a performance of “I’ll Be There”. Even better than that, Janet Jackson herself came out and spoke briefly to the audience prior to the final performance. Everything between that was just a bunch of mambajahambo and WTF moments. I knew going in that it wasn’t gonna be a 100% MJ show… but I didn’t expect a 15% MJ show either, especially after it being specifically noted that it was now going to become a tribute to him. In fact, I wasn’t even gonna watch the shit under normal circumstances, and I’m sure half the people who did weren’t going to either.

The one thing about this, from a personal standpoint, that gets me is that it’s BET. It’s the station that always prides itself on the legacy of not only “Black Entertainment”, but especially “Black Music”. In fact, until recent years, all it really was (90% of the time) was a music video channel. If the people who work there are able to believe today that Michael’s legacy (as well as BET’s) was properly honored last night, then so be it. Closer to the truth, BET was a better station when they were in DC with a shoestring budget and the cheapest-looking shows ever than they are today with muhfukkin’ Viacom backing them. At least then, you could expect that they’d be on their A-game, even if it wasn’t so much as a got-damn tribute to Marlon Jackson.

bet_awards1

Speaking of Viacom, the craziest part of this is that MTV and VH1 will probably top this shit without half-trying- the same way they do with the hip-hop retrospectives and even the damn reality shows. Because even with a heightened popularity, and better production value than they used to have, BET has been substandard-as-fuck for years. They have more TV shows, more viewers, more media coverage… and yet they still manage to be hot garbage in their presentation. They’ve had their moments, but they’ve been increasingly far-and-few between.

Again, my gripe is not with the fact that they didn’t give us an “OMG Michael Jackson All-Out Extravaganza Featuring Every Single Person You Can Think Of Doing A Stellar MJ Rendition!” given the time they had. It’s moreso with the fact that a semblance of that was advertised and they couldn’t even deliver that. What we did get was four mini-performances of MJ songs, a tribute to the O’Jays which was BETTER than the ones to Michael, and other things too random to remember. Worst of all, we got a (turrible) Drake/Lil’ Wayne/etc. performance that resembled four niggas rapping in a living room with their kids as the backup dancers. And THIS is the show dedicated to Michael Jackson.

BET can fix this… maybe. They can put together a well-planned show that properly pays respect to the man who made it possible for most of their current favorite stars to step on a stage. Given the time to do so, they could probably do it better than any other station would. Unfortunately, it’s probably not gonna happen that way. They’re likely fine with it how it was, especially since the ratings were great.

-D! (aight… back to business as usual tomorrah. The healing process has started, haha)

8 Comments | Hatin' On You, Huh?, SMH, TV, Wiggedy-Wack | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Danj!

Doin’ It With The R.

06/11/2009

rkelly

Not that it would matter to the subject of this entry, but we’re all adults here, right? Since we are, let’s all go back to a simpler time. A time before Zorro masks. A time before weird songs about being trapped in closets and midgets hiding in cupboards. A time before a nigga could sing “like two bears in the jungle makin’ looooove” and still be taken seriously. And yeah, a time before “the tape”.

Yep, there was a time when R. Kelly was my nigga.

I never liked him as much as the women did, but he was still one of my favorite R&B artists for a minute there, even during a time when I wasn’t checking for much R&B. After initially being tagged an Aaron Hall knockoff, he eventually broke out of that and spawned a number of his own imitators. Not only was he making a gang of hits, he was also writing and producing hits for others (Michael Jackson, Aaliyah, Hi-Five, Changing Faces, et al). He had the women on him of course, and he also got respect from the males who didn’t deny the quality of the songs. Sure, he always had some off-the-wall lyrics here and there, but they weren’t too ridiculous (yet).

kelly vibe

I first saw R. Kelly & Public Announcement on BET in ’92 with “She’s Got That Vibe”, which was about as close to a new Guy song as anyone was gonna get by then. It got the ball rolling, but then he made it official with the second single “Honey Love”, followed by “Slow Dance (Hey Mr. DJ)” and “Dedicated”. Complete with the headset-mic hookup (with lights on the mic part!), R. was filling the void of all the New Jack Swing-era dudes who weren’t doing it on that level anymore by then. I wasn’t copping that album or anything, but I wasn’t mad at him.

Then came 12 Play, his first official solo album. Honestly, I wasn’t feelin’ his single “Sex Me”, or even “Bump N Grind” for that matter. It seemed like he was just hitting the same well over and over again. It was working for him popularity-wise, but it was “Your Body’s Callin’” that got me back on the R. Kelly train… pause. It wasn’t like the standard mid-tempo record that everyone was doing back then with the “hip-hop” beat and the hardcore posturing in the video. It was just some extra-smooth shit that had soul to it. Then, there was “Sadie”, “Seems Like You’re Ready”, the “Bump N Grind” remix… I was rollin’ with R. kinda heavy again. It continued with the ’95 R. Kelly album, with that epic “Down Low” video and “I Can’t Sleep Baby” (which I actually dedicated to someone on 92Q’s Love Zone- HA!)

kells_purple

Where Kelly threw me was when he started with the rampant cursing and the “rap-style singing” that unfortunately still goes on today. I was a fan of the “Hip-Hop Soul” style that had been going on, but I’ve rarely ever been a fan of singers doing things in their songs that are better left to the rappers. He’d still have a song here and there that I’d like, such as “When A Woman’s Fed Up” and some others… but by the time he’d gotten to “move your body like a snake, ma” and “Thoia-Thoing”, R. was on “this nigga is wack” status for me. And of course, the image of him taking a six-pack piss on the young’in wasn’t exactly cool either.

Just when I thought Kells had done his most ridiculous shit ever, more hilarity ensued. There’s the Best of Both Worlds albums, which are both further testaments that the self-proclaimed “R. In R&B” is not the “R. in Rap”. Then, there’s the “Trapped In The Closet” shit, which I couldn’t believe everyone thought was so ingenious. There’s also the time he ran offstage because he was high off some powerful shit thought stage crew was waving guns at him. Now, homie’s taking it there with the Autotune, and that just speaks for itself.

r-kelly-masked-up

All in all, I’m not a “Pied Piper” fan today, but those first four/five years were alright with me. He def. played a big part (for better and worse) in ’90s R&B and the direction it continued in. Even to this day, I don’t deny his talent and capabilities. I just wish homie didn’t go on to be a big nutjob and did a lot more classic stuff and less of that ol’ other shit.

“Dedicated” (1992)

“Your Body’s Callin’” (1993)

“I Can’t Sleep Baby (If I)” (1995)

“Down Low, Pt. II” (1996)

“When A Woman’s Fed Up” (1998)

-D!

16 Comments | DanjLovesTheR&B, Hip-Hop Soul, Nuff Respect Due, SMH | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by Danj!

Portrait Of An Artist As A Hood

06/03/2009

Vanilla ice

Since I’ve already had the audacity to put that 6th grade pic up for my first post, I may as well continue the self-deprecation by admitting to something. It’s something that most self-respecting hip-hoppers wouldn’t admit although there’s a 50% chance that they did it too. Yes… there was a time between September and December 1990… that I actually liked Vanilla Ice. Don’t judge.

“Ice Ice Baby”, for all intents and purposes, wasn’t that bad of a song. I can think of many songs that were worse, some of which I’ll be talking about in the future. It’s clearly his biggest record ever, and maybe that’s why it gets all the hatred that it does- it’s the thing most commonly connected to the overall fuckery that was/is Vanilla Ice. However, for anyone unfortunate enough to hear some of his OTHER output, that’s nothing. “Ice Ice…” sounds like fukkin’ “Straight Outta Compton” when compared to a few of his other disasterpieces. Stop, collaborate, and listen…

vanilla ice love you

Take for instance, “I Love You” (click to hear). Here, the Iceman melts with desire and shows us the real Rob Van Winkle. Channeling his inner LL, he salutes his girl’s “devastating body and sweet profile”, then invites her to wine and dine with him. He goes on to promise that he’d buy her everything… “yes, girl- even diamond rings!” After the verses and a sax solo, Rob gets on the phone and lets us all hear him confess to his woman that he looooves her. CLEARLY, if there’s somethin’ besides “Ice Ice Baby” to joke on, this fake-ass “I Need Love” could be a top candidate. It’s worth noting, though, that while Vanilla half-assed it, whoever played the sax on this shit WENT HARD.

vanillaiceninja

Ice sold a gang of records with his To the Extreme album, and as a result, he was a superstar. He got to make a movie, had his own action figure, and even got to hit off Madonna. But better than all that, he got a cameo in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze. In “Ninja Rap”, he hits us with burning questions like “have you ever seen a turtle get down?” He also breaks new ground in lyricism by being the first and only MC to rhyme “turtle” with “level”. Then there’s the hook: “Ninja, Ninja- RAP!” coupled with a classic refrain: “Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!” How does this song (that was actually a hit) fly under the radar of all things wack about Vanilla Ice? Hmmm… maybe that’s the Secret of the Ooze.

vanilla-ice-mind-blowin-200

After being exposed as a fraud and becoming the ass of a million jokes, Ice felt the backlash. He practically disappeared after ’91 and wasn’t seen again until early-’94. There was half a chance that he’d taken nearly three years off to get focused and silence his critics with his follow-up album, Mind Blowin’. BUT- being Vanilla Ice, he managed to become MORE of a joke. Much like his pop-rap counterpart MC Hammer, Vanilla opted to come back “hard” for ’94, complete with blonde dreads and hockey jerseys. His single “The Wrath” saw him threatening to either start slittin’ rappers’ throats or using his Magnum on ‘em (pause). He even utilized gunshot sound effects and mentioned how he carries his “striz-ap to bust a ciz-ap”. The response to this newer, harder Ice was a resounding  “nigga, please.”

But fuck all that: in the long run, Vanilla has nothin’ to be ashamed of. Sure, he became the personification of what it was to be wack in the ‘90s. Sure, he is now forced to perform a song he hates, just to keep his lights on. OK, maybe he did get his ass beat by Todd Bridges on Celebrity Boxing. And of course, there’s that time Suge may or may not have hung him upside down off the hotel balcony. Still, even Rob would have to admit- those six months of relevance between ’90 and ’91 were PROB’LY a lot of fun. Word To Ya Mutha.

vanillanow

-D!

11 Comments | DanjHatesThe90s, DanjLovesTheHipHop, Guilty...Next Case, Hatin' On You, Here Today/Gone Today, SMH, Wiggedy-Wack | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by Danj!

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